I haven’t been talking to my gays enough for them to be funny… I need to reevaluate my priorities!

Derek: Why is this damn Selena Gomez song so catchy?

Sam: Wow…I wish I had your job.
Liz: You could have!
Sam: Hahaha yeah, but I am also happy with what I am doing this summer :) Except I am pissed because I am out of town for the tonys.


Sam: I miss you :( get off work already
Liz: 3.5 hours fool
Sam: That’s still long though
Liz: Masturbate 6 times.
Sam: I already did this morning…. three times…
Liz: Really?!
Sam: Yeah haha
Liz: I thought you can’t do it that many times cuz you’re a d00d
Sam: There were some breaks
Liz: Oh. I wanna do that today. My period is coming so I need to cram in some sessions.


Liz: Seriously come to my gyno appointments
Sam: Okay
Liz: It’s a monday
Sam: Ok

Sam: My life goal is now going to be: have sex in every country. Just cause I can lol
Liz: Why do you have to steal my goals and then one up me.
Sam: Hahaha just can I can lol :)
Liz: You’re rude. You can’t have sex in north korea.
Sam: You don’t know.
Liz: Yes I do they don’t let people in.
Sam: They will give me an exception.


Sam: Get off work already.
Liz: 2 hours.
Sam: I KNOW HOW LONG!!!! I just want it to be now…

Sam: Want me to shoot him?
Liz: You have a gun?
Sam: Two of them
Liz: Whut
Sam: Yeah, they are huge and bulging
Liz: Whoaaaaa.
Sam: Yeah, and they can bench a ton
Liz: Anyway, do you have practice tomorrow?

Liz: All this wedding shit makes me want to get married.
Derek: Ick. I hate weddings. Hate them.
Liz: You don’t want to get married? I’ve only been to 3 weddings, 2 I can actually remember. I love them.
Derek: I want to get married someday. I just hate all the hype and shit.
Liz: You won’t when it’s for you :)
Derek: Meh.
Liz: Psh having attention on you is awesome. Don’t lie.
Derek: ….I just hate weddings.

James: How do you feel today Dr. Liz?

Liz: You’d better be there. I already picked a date, October 29, 2016.
Derek: I’m there. I have a leprechaun bar mitzvah that day but I’ll be there.

Liz: My mom thinks Georgio is laying eggs. Awkward. Fuck.
Sam: Ew. More birds?
Liz: I fucking hate that bird.
Sam: Me too sistah
Liz: I like how we mutually hate each other’s family members
Sam: But really. It’s cute :)
Liz: We are practically a married couple.
Sam: Which is what I love haha ;)
Liz: Can I change my name to Elizabeth Abney?
Sam: …..well maybe not.

Liz: What are you doing?
James: Being hot, the usual.

Derek: I love you!! One of your gays (me) has come back to you! You’re fierce and I would be straight for you. Not really. But fierce.

Sam: Anything fun happening at work this week?
Liz: Umm intern social on Friday, but I don’t know what that means.
Sam: Like an ice cream social?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
Liz: I don’t know.
Sam: I hope its like an ice cream social.

James: Would you get creeped out if I shaved a landing strip?
Liz: Manscaping is not creepy.
James: LOL that was a joke. I would never do that.
Liz: See, I didin’t think so, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings if you’d done it already.
James: Yeah don’t hurt my feelings.
Liz: What are you doing?!
James: Masturbating.